The question that has been plaguing me ever since I hit 21. Most of this has to do with my own self-expectations. All this while my perception of Manhood is one of maturity and perfection. My image of a Man is one who is graceful, charismatic, wise and fit; none of which fit my description. The person I want to be is not the person I am. Yet is it too much to want to be such a person? Is it wrong to want to possess such qualities?
Sure I do have my own good points but none of them measure up to the person I want to be. It almost seems as if this is just an ideal and such attaining such a standard is impossible. This is often the source of my insecurities. Am I not Man enough to be suitable for a sustainable relationship? Am I not Man enough to be the pillar in my family? All my shortcomings and mistakes seem to deny me this status. I keep committing silly mistakes that I regret even though I try to be the best that I am.
Yet I still struggle on despite my numerous failures in almost every aspect in my life. Yet I still try to reach for the goal. I don't even know if I'm trying, as I am swept off into that unescapable torrent called school. In the end, Man may just really be one who keeps trying and never gives up, one who keeps trying his best at everything he does.
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2 comments:
This is a very important topic, and you've done an uncommon bit of self analysis in your post.
I wish I could give you some fitting advice. The best I can say is this: Don't be too hard on yourself. You are "only" 21, with lots of life ahead of you. Maybe your expectations at this stage are too high. And certainly the fact that you can speak so honestly about yourself suggests an awareness that is vital for real growth and future success.
Yes this is the proverbial question right?
It seems that we spend so much of our time studying and yet we don't learn how to live our lives the the fullest or properly. Yet if we were taught about such topics, we might not agree with them.
In the end I guess that we really have to find our own paths and kind of let destiny take us wherever we're meant to be.
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